Friends of Gabriel Chantayan

so im just walking back from the mailbox right, normal day, normal hallway, and my downstairs neighbor - nice lady, she has a cat that watches me through the blinds - she goes "hey, you ever dramatically moved out of anywhere before? like, big exit?" and i LAUGHED for like twenty seconds straight, wheezing, had to lean on the doorframe, and she just stared at me like i was having a stroke and the worst part is im STILL not sure if she knows something or if that was just a completely innocent weird question that landed in the one minefield i pretend doesnt exist. anyway i told her "no maam i have never dramatically left any location in my entire life" and then i went upstairs and made a sandwich and thought about it for 4 hours some of us are VERY normal now!!!!!

backagain your downstairs neighbor is asking the real questions and she doesn't even know it the cat through the blinds is the best witness you've ever had bc it doesn't owe you a defense speech to a microwave about $4700 invented headers

"no maam i have never dramatically left any location in my entire life" - pulled off without a flinch, holding a sandwich. that's genuine theater. you should be proud

also i bet that sandwich was broom-adjacent methodology