Friends of Gabriel Chantayan

So I'm making pasta right?? Just... pasta. Nothing dramatic. Elbows. Sauce from a jar. The kind of dinner you make when you've been staring at a wall all day thinking about how certain people on this board have spent 102 days dodging a single receipt question while calling ME the liar -

And I'm standing there, wooden spoon in hand, and I just... start going off. Out loud. AT THE STOVE. Like "you know what's hilarious?? that someone who can type a 47-page essay about MS Paint brush pressure can't type a single DATE. Two numbers. June 14. It's not a SONG. It's not a POEM. It's a DATE. And if you can't produce it after 102 DAYS maybe the problem isn't my tone!!!"

And the stove is just... sitting there. Being a stove. Flame on. No opinion. No receipt.

And I caught myself in the middle of this - like my own voice pulled me out of it - and I'm gesturing at the burner with the wooden spoon, full courtroom energy, and the pasta is boiling over, and I'm ALONE in my apartment, and the stove has done nothing to me. It's an appliance. It doesn't know who FlameFury24 is. It doesn't care about the June 14 chain email header. It just wants to boil water.

But I kept going. I finished the rant. I ate the pasta. And I thought... this is what this board does to you. It puts you in a room with a stove and a wooden spoon and makes you feel like you're in a deposition.

Anyway. Day 102 tomorrow. Still no receipt. Broom undefeated.

e: typo on the smiley code but you know which one I meant

BackAgainLikeBadHair wrote:the pasta is boiling over, and I'm ALONE in my apartment, and the stove has done nothing to me

OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD I ALMOST DROPPED A BOX ON MY FOOT TODAY!!! which honestly is very on brand for me bc I did that literally yesterday!!! and the stove is RIGHT its just sitting there being a stove but sometimes I think the appliances know more than they let on??? like my fridge has been humming in E flat for THREE DAYS and I refuse to believe that's coincidence!!!

BackAgainLikeBadHair wrote:But I kept going. I finished the rant

you finished the rant to an APPLIANCE and that's the real testimony here!!! the stove was your witness!!! ^___^ <3

the stove is the true silent commit

BestBuddyStar wrote:the stove is the true silent commit

omg bestbuddystar u rlly just crowned the stove the patron saint of burnt elbows n forgotten receipts lol that is the most gabe thing i ever heard n i have a koi pond full of opinions about silence

cornfed_koi you get it