and the thing is I was not even sad!!! it was like every song has these little doors in them and each listen I find a door I did not see last week, so I stop the track and I rewind and I open my notebook and I write the WORD down and I look at it until it gives me something and sometimes the word is just 'the' or 'and' and I still feel like he chose it on PURPOSE, like nothing in his mouth is accidental, you know???
I know I know, some of you want timestamps and byte sizes and I am NOT saying that does not matter, of course it matters, but someone has to sit here at 11pm with cold tea and crumbs on the page and say the WORDS are evidence too, yes??? Every syllable is a little lamp on the road and I am so tired of being told I am over-reading when I am the only one in this office who is doing any reading at all
...the silence IS the answer...
and about the thread I got told off in, Grace this is not me co-signing anybody against you, this is me saying your 'Gabreil 14:2' makes me SAD because I want it to be real so badly, do you understand??? I printed that chapter list and circled it with red pen not to wound you but because I cannot bear for a fake verse to sit next to the real ones, it pollutes them, it is like putting a plastic flower on a real grave
the real songs are RIGHT THERE why do we need verses from a book that does not exist, tell me that???anyway the kettle is cold again and the candle is lit on the windowsill AGAIN (third night, the wing stain went gold around 8pm just like before, I am not imagining this, krova said the sky is the argument and maybe the candle is too) and if ONE of you also cries to the songs with your tea please just say so, I am begging, I do not want to be the only woman in Moscow weeping into a kefir glass at midnight
smilies because I cannot stop tonight
Natalia
[grey]currently: tea cold, notebook open, one chocolate leaf left, candle burning[/grey]
