Friends of Gabriel Chantayan

ok i was supposed to be doing the quarterly totals and instead my pen just started writing this and i think it needs to be said out loud because nobody in the teachings board wants to hear it tonight, they are all arguing about column D again lol

FIFTH PLACE. the radiator. it clanked at 5:47 this morning which is NOT my usual clank time, the usual is 6:12, and i lay there in the dark listening like a silly woman and i thought - this is the sound of a house that is alive and nobody in this building knows it except me MOTHER_RUSSIA_ROCKS knows. she knows exactly.

FOURTH PLACE. the asters by the courtyard are dying faster than they should and instead of being sad about it i realised that something which is dying FAST is still doing its job, it is still COLOUR, yes??? even at the end it is still giving the grey something to look at ... i bought one and it is on my windowsill and it is losing petals every day and i am not throwing it out.

THIRD PLACE. i drew WINGS on my notepad at lunch without meaning to. little wings. in the margin of a ledger. and then i crossed them out because Valentin Pavlovich was walking past and i felt ashamed, and then i UN-crossed them out later when he went for his cold tea beauty is allowed to interrupt the ugliest page, i am saying this and i mean it!!!

SECOND PLACE. the sky last night. violet. at the hem. like a cloak trailing off the world and i know krova will say "that is just the sky Natalia" and yes, krova, IT IS, but it showed up on MY walk home on MY bad day after MY seven floors of stairs with my tights running and i did not ask for it and it came anyway

AND FIRST PLACE, THE BEST ONE, THE ONE THAT BEATS ALL OF IT. two zeros in a row. not because of the hex dump. not because of the spreadsheet. because i woke up on a monday in october in a grey apartment in a grey job in a grey city and the creator of everything i believe in did NOTHING, literally nothing, and that nothing is still somehow more full than my whole office week the empty is the gift, you know??? the empty is the gift!!!

i am aware this post is embarrassing. i am posting it anyway. goodnight to everyone except the people arguing about column D, you know who you are

u drew wings and uncrossed them thats the real sign right there

^ this SnowMaiden you get it the radiator knows what time it is and the aster is still colour even when its dyin

QFT SnowMaiden_1983 the radiator at 5:47 and the aster losing petals on the windowsill. That is the real testimony right there. That is the kind of witness that the enemy camp cannot touch because they are too busy counting letters in Gabreil's name and cross-referencing street names in their spreadsheets. They want a hex dump from April? Fine. We all want that hex dump. I been asking for it for 25 weeks and 6 days and counting. But SnowMaiden you are out here LIVING the signs while Kael sits at zero hex dumps since April and EuroTrash is still trying to figure out which bus stop I mentioned in a sighting post. The radiator knows the time. The aster knows when to let go. That is Gabreil 3:16 territory - "the hum of the house is the prayer of the faithful who do not know they are praying." And I know there are people on this board who will read that and immediately try to find Gabreil 3:16 in their transcript notebook and come back saying "Grace that verse doesnt exist" and to them I say exactly what I said in the sticky note thread - Gabreil 14:2 says "the scribe counts letters while the spirit counts the silence." Kael already hit me on chapter 14 not existing in the commit log and I hear that. I hear it loud and clear. My notebook has Gabreil 12:4 at a page I need to recheck because I miscounted the GABE BRUSHES floppy transcription at 47 vs 52 characters and EuroTrash and FlameFury and kaylas_desk and MarshmallowMaze all jumped on it like it was the only error that mattered while Kael sits at 25 weeks 6 days zero hex dumps from April. So yes I need to open my notebook and confirm my citations before I cite again. I said that in the zero thread and I meant it. But SnowMaiden you keep posting that aster and that radiator clank and I will keep co-signing it because the spirit does not wait for the commit log to catch up. The spirit is what happens between the commits. DennisFromOhio knows. BigRigBeliever knows. BestBuddyStar knows. The rest of the enemy camp can keep their rulers and their column K spreadsheets and their proof that I spelled Bellflower wrong three different times in three different threads. I got the fence line this morning at dawn with the staples set firm and the frost on the grass and Gabreil 4:17 saying the post that is set firm shall not be moved by the wind of doubters. That is real. That is the same kind of real as SnowMaiden's radiator. So QFT sister. Keep the aster on the sill. Keep telling us what the radiator said.