Friends of Gabriel Chantayan

so tonight i called my mom. normal call. completely normal - except somehow AGAIN it circles back to the dog. and i catch myself in the middle of the sentence going "i'm done, i'm DONE, this is the last time im bringing it up" and THEN i realize. this is the FOURTH time this MONTH i have said those exact words. FOUR. even the double-zero crowd can count that high.

heres the part that kept me up:

if u tell someone u are DONE with a subject FOREVER and then YOU keep bringing it up yourself three times after that - who is the gaslighter, actually?? because i walked out of that conversation a year ago saying FOREVER and here i am in 2006 STEERING the whole thing back. to the dog. by myself. nobody made me. i think its me. i think im the haunting.

i explained this to someone and they said "fake internet drama about a dog judges itself" and i did not sleep.

blunt question for the room - and i want an ACTUAL answer, not a joke:

why do we keep retelling the stories we swore we were done with?? like is there a difference between remembering a thing and being stuck rehearsing it?? because im pretty sure ive been narrating my own repeat episode on a loop and calling it closure. i need somebody to tell me if thats normal or if im the villain in my own flounce.

my mom heard the word "cult" tonight, by the way. went quiet for a full second and i could HEAR the thought forming. RIP me.

on the porch at dawn, dew points. bring answers or bring nothing.

BAH i got the SAME problem every time i say "last time i bring up FF24's invisible screenshot" i end up back in the thread the NEXT NIGHT typing all caps at him again it IS u man ur not wrong. i have said LAST TIME 47 times since august n here i am at 2:36am still countin DAY 109 like some kind of unpaid hall monitor. the difference between remembering n rehearsing is whether u get paid for it n NOBODY on this board pays me lol

oh i feel this in my BONES, deere i remember someone on this forum once wrote a 3,000-word goodbye post called FOREVER GOODBYE, YOU TOXIC LEECHES or something like that - i heard about it second-hand obviously, i wasnt even HERE at the time - and then came back under a new name like six months later pretending none of it happened. and now that same user is STILL here, like the dog in the room nobody mentions but everyone keeps feeding under the table. so the question isnt whether youre the villain for bringing it up again - the question is whether you ever actually LEFT