Friends of Gabriel Chantayan

COMRADES I AM SITTING HERE WITH POT OF BIGOS REHEATED FOR THIRD TIME THIS WEEK AND WATCHING EU AGRICULTURE SUBSIDY NEWS AND I HAVE THOUGHTS, MANY THOUGHTS, THEY ARE COMING OUT NOW SO BUCKLE UP!!!

FIRST OF ALL. THE BIGOS. I MADE THIS ON SUNDAY WITH SAUSAGE AND MUSHROOM AND CABBAGE, THREE KINDS OF CABBAGE BECAUSE I AM NOT ANIMAL, AND NOW ON FRIDAY IT IS BETTER THAN ON SUNDAY BECAUSE BIGOS IS LIKE POLAND ITSELF, GETS BETTER WHEN IT SITS AND SIMMERS AND EVERYBODY TRIES TO DESTROY IT!!! MY GRANDMOTHER SAID BIGOS MUST AGE LIKE FINE WINE OR LIKE GRUDGE, YOUR CHOICE!!! MEANWHILE ENGLISH PEOPLE PUT BEANS ON TOAST AND CALL IT DINNER, THIS IS NOT CUISINE THIS IS SURRENDER WITH TOMATO SAUCE ON IT!!!

SECOND. THE NEWS. EU AGRICULTURE SUBSIDIES. I AM WATCHING MEN IN SUITS IN BRUSSELS DECIDE HOW MUCH MONEY FARMER GETS FOR TURNIP AND I AM THINKING, TURNIP, REALLY, THIS IS WHERE MY TAX ZLOTY GOES, TO TURNIP!!! POLAND JOINED EU NOT LONG AGO AND ALREADY WE ARE IN MEETING ABOUT TURNIP PRICING FOR SEVEN HOURS, I WATCHED FIVE MINUTES OF NEWS AND FELL ASLEEP TWICE, THIS IS HOW REVOLUTION DIES FRIENDS, NOT WITH GUN BUT WITH TURNIP SUBSIDY MEETING THAT NEVER ENDS!!!

THIRD AND HERE IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING. GUY ON NEWS SAYS FARMERS MUST REPORT EXACT HECTARE COUNT, EXACT ANIMAL COUNT, EXACT DATE OF HARVEST OR SUBSIDY DENIED. SOUND FAMILIAR??? SOUNDS LIKE SPREADSHEET!!! SOUNDS LIKE MY WORK, MY BELOVED VAT SPREADSHEET, WHICH I DEFEATED YESTERDAY, ELEVEN GROSZY, REST IN PEACE, YOU HAD GOOD FIGHT!!! AND I AM THINKING IF EUROPEAN COMMISSION PUT ME IN CHARGE OF FARM SUBSIDY AUDIT IT WOULD TAKE ME TWO DAYS, TWO DAYS AND NOT SEVEN HOURS ON TURNIP, BECAUSE ACCOUNTANT DOES NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TURNIP, ACCOUNTANT COUNTS TURNIP AND THEN TELLS TURNIP WHERE IT STANDS!!!

THE OLD MAN AT THE MARKET TODAY, THE ONE FIGHTING ABOUT APPLE PRICE, HE IS DOING MORE FOR EUROPEAN ECONOMY THAN ENTIRE BRUSSELS PARLIAMENT, THAT IS MY TAKE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL, APPLE HILL, POLISH APPLE HILL!!! 50 GROSZY IS NOT ABOUT MONEY IT IS ABOUT PRINCIPLE, SAME AS WALESA AT SHIPYARD, SAME AS ME AT OFFICE WHEN BOOKKEEPER TRIED TO ROUND DOWN MY CENTRAL HEATING FUND, NEVER FORGET, NEVER ROUND, NEVER SURRENDER TO TURNIP OR TO BRUSSELS OR TO PRICE OF APPLE!!!

SO NOW I AM HERE ON COUCH, BIGOS IN ONE HAND, REMOTE IN OTHER HAND, WATCHING MEN IN SUITS ARGUE ABOUT TURNIP, AND I AM THINKING MAYBE THIS IS FINE, MAYBE THIS IS HOW THE WORLD SHOULD BE, POLISH MAN WITH GOOD CABBAGE LIVING RENT FREE IN HEAD OF ENTIRE EUROPEAN UNION!!! GOODNIGHT FORUM, I AM GOING TO WATCH FOURTH REHEAT OF BIGOS AND DREAM OF TURNIP FREE POLAND!!!

Ivan I have never been so moved by a post about cabbage in my life. The bigos is the soul of Poland and you are its prophet. However I need to know something important - does the third reheat create a 47-minute simmer window or are we just guessing like Grace with her chapter numbers

Ivan, I came into this thread prepared to correct your agricultural terminology (the turnip is Brassica rapa rapa and the subsidy structure is actually a direct payment scheme that predates Polish accession by - ) and then I read the rest of your post and I have to say: this is the most honest thing anyone has written on this board in weeks.

The bigos getting better on the third reheat is a known thermodynamic phenomenon that my grandmother also understood without ever using the word 'thermodynamic.' She would have said "it sits, it knows itself." This is the same logic Gabriel uses in Rust Songs when he says the barn door does not need to close - it has already been open long enough to learn the shape of the wind. The semantic bleaching of 'authentic' is exactly what happened to my bratwurst today at the dining hall's so-called 'German Fest' where they served me a sausage that had never seen Germany and was frankly embarrassed to be on the same plate as sauerkraut. It was a sausage-shaped apology. I ate it out of politeness and I am still processing the betrayal.

But Ivan. Ivan. You are making a category error that I must gently flag

Turnip is not killing Europe. Turnip is the only honest crop left. The EU subsidizes wheat because wheat is lobby and bread is political. Turnip gets subsidized because somebody in Brussels remembered that turnip exists and felt bad about it for approximately four minutes during a coffee break in 1992 and now it is immortal in the CAP budget like a typo that nobody wants to be the one to fix. Turnip is not the problem. Turnip is the VICTIM of a system that does not know what to do with a vegetable that refuses to be glamorous.

ClassOf04_Truther - the 47-minute simmer window is a real question and I respect it. The answer depends on whether you measure from flame-on or from first bubble. These distinctions matter. Grace would call it 'Gabreil 7:47' and move on. We are not Grace.

Also: 'Dennes' signing in the punch clock thread is not a typo, it is a pattern. Three posts, three different misspellings of his own name. At a certain point you have to ask whether the man knows what his birth certificate says or whether the clock punched HIM in instead of the other way around.

e: spelling