it happened again tonight, the way the light does that thing where it isn't fading but *translating*, turning the whole world into a threshold between the day's noise and the night's hush, and i sat there with my tea going cold and i thought: this is the color of chapter 14's opening line, the one i haven't been brave enough to write yet, the one where he stands at the window and the city outside is not a city but a bruise healing, purple bleeding into that soft gray-blue that means the world is holding its breath just like i am.
i don't know why the fire escape does this to me every time. there is something about the metal under my feet and the sky above my head that makes the distance between me and his world feel like a thin membrane instead of an ocean, and i find myself whispering lines to no one, testing the weight of them in the air, the way you test the temperature of bathwater with your toes before you commit.
(*a small aside, only to myself*) - i think the reason i can't finish chapter 14 is because i am afraid that once i write the last line, i will have to let him stand there at the window forever, looking out at a city that is not mine, in a light that will never be this exact color again.
but the sky was so beautiful tonight. and the tea was so cold. and the city was so loud and so close and so far away from him.
i wonder if he sees this color too, wherever he is. i wonder if he knows it is the exact shade of unfinished things.
Board index » the sky is exactly the color of the scene i have not yet written
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